Three weeks down..

  Our year apart began at a Greyhound station. We said our goodbye at six thirty in the morning, and I could barely see through my tears. A bus station, by the way is the very worst place to say a good bye, at least in my opinion. Forty six hours on that bus is an even worse way to spend your first days apart. After taking a bus from Colorado to Michigan, I came to the conclusion that if there is a "Hell" those people damned to it are sent to ride on a Greyhound for the rest of eternity. At one point I was convinced I was already there, it felt like I was never going to get off that bus. I think that point was when it was 105 and the air conditioning on the bus broke. I can't even begin to describe the stench, 50 sweaty crabby bus people and no way of even opening a window? Hell. That's the only way I can describe it.
    There were some interesting moments, like when the very large lady with vomit on her shirt, started brushing her imaginary teeth with her imaginary toothbrush, or when the hippy in the row behind me realized he missed his stop two states back, and started yelling at anyone who would listen because they didn't wake him up. There were ex cons (or possibly current cons) comparing prison stories, smitten bus drivers, people talking to themselves, even a man who somehow managed to bang his head on the seat every 12 seconds for 18 hours and 56 minutes straight (yes, sadly I took the time to figure that out, there isn't much else to do on a bus). It was miserable, scary, and lonely, and every mile took me farther away from the man I love.
   It's been a month since I last saw Kory, three weeks since he left for Afghanistan, and five days since I've heard his voice. I knew going into this that it wouldn't be easy, and it definitely isn't. Some days are easier than others, but mostly it just plain sucks. It's hardest when I lay in bed at night and have nothing to occupy my thoughts. I welcome sleep so the worry and lonely go away, and if I get lucky I see him in my dreams. There are times when I'd give anything just to talk to him, to share my day with him and laugh at his crazy shenanigans. I've already learned though that you can want something with all your heart and still have no way of getting it. So, I try to fill my day with as much as possible to pass the time.
   I have to remember that I chose this, I chose a man who serves our country, a man who gave up his freedom to fight for ours. I chose to love a soldier, and that means accepting that this is a way of life now. I know though, that we will get through this, stronger than ever.  I will kick this deployment's butt, even if it takes me a year to do it.
    I thought being a single mom was tough, add to that being the fiance of a deployed soldier... I should have a Super woman patch! Or at least a cape, a cape would be cool. I could be "Super Single Mommy slash Army Fiance"...kicking deployments butt, and keeping the house clean, one laundry basket at a time! I dare someone to cross my path. If I can handle this, I can handle anything.
   It's not easy, working, taking care of two kids, trying to keep the house clean, pay the bills and send packages on a very small paycheck, dropping everything for a phone call that's over too quickly. It is something I wouldn't trade for the world though, and it's worth it every step of the way. And, at the end of the day I still have someone to cuddle with, (although she kicks and steals the covers more than Kory) I have so many things to smile about, and two girls who keep me laughing. It's not an easy life, but it's ours, and when this year is over my heart will be so happy it won't remember how hard it was. For now though today is one more day down, and one step closer to him.